February 25, 2010

Sincerity in everything we do!

Setelah sekian lama dalam alam pekerjaan ni, aku totally setuju sgt2 dgn falsafah bahawa : lakukan setiap sesuatu itu dgn ikhlas dan redha, Insya Allah.
Org kata disebalik kesusahan, ada kesenangan. Disebalik kedukaan ada kegembiraan. Disebalik kebahagiaan pasti ada derita. Itulah kehidupan. Itulah realiti.
Aku dah bergelumang dgn dunia perkerjaan ni bertahun lamanya. Dalam bertukar angin, bertukar company bertukar bos, semua aku dah rasa. Melayu, cina, India, Arab..Iran, named it. Berkeja dgn org melayu ni kadangkala menyakitkan hati, kadangkala menyulam rasa. Org melayu kita ni kebanyakkan suka ambil kesempatan, suka dibodek, suka di ampu dan kurang perhatian akan sesetengah perkara. Kronisme tok sah citer, itu mmg sejak azali aku rasa sebati dalam jiwa bkan sahaja bangsa melayu bahkan bangsa2 lain jugak. As aku pun sometimes tak bole menidakkan perasaan aku pasal ni. Of course, dalam byk perkara pun kita pasti cuba melebihkan kaum kita..thats what we called nature.
Semenjak aku dah mula melibatkan diri dalam dunia minyak dan gas ni, aku rasa sgt selesa berkerja dgn bangsa asing. Bagi aku dorang ni more open dan tak mudah dibodek. Itu paling penting. Pendek kata, kalau kita perform keje kita tip top, cubaan2 menganiaya, memfitnah, cucuk mencucuk mmg tak jadi. Kecuali lah dot dot dot ......
For me senang jer, aku cuba sedaya upaya untuk bekerja dgn jujur, ikhlas yg penting apa jua urusan yg bos suruh buat make sure its done. Its tip top. Jgn banyak soal or jgn byk komplen akan tetapi buat je lah keja yg diamanahkan sekadar segera...pantas dan tepat.
Mmg dalam dunia ni, akan ada species2 dengki khianat dan tak bole tgk org senang dan lebih sket dari dia. Ada jer cara and jalan dia nak menganiaya. Takdapat gini, gitu, tak dapat gitu ada lah cara lain. Aku dah masak sgt dah. Sekian lama aku tepis, tepi, tengah, kanan dan kiri...ada masa tertepis jugak ada masa...tak.
Tapi aku sgt puashati sbb aku buat hal aku sendiri. Aku buat keje aku sendiri. I only take instruction from my bos. Jgnlah ada sapa2 perasan nak marah2 nak tengking2 aku tak pasal2...apa hal bilik bos juga cerita.
Gitulah adanya, harini sejak pagi lagi hati aku berbunga gembira. Pertama sbb report aku dah siap sejak semlm and by lunch time td aku dah submit kat bos. Melihat muka bos yg tersenyum happy tu aku tau dia gembira sbb semua reportnya on time. And bila financing team tanya balik soklan2 maut pasal report tu, dgn bangganya aku menjwp soklan2 itu dgn cepat dan tepat...he he...satu kepuasan tak terhingga aku rasa....
Dan menjelang petang ni, satu lgi tugasan bos aku amanahkan telah aku jalankan dgn jayanya....dan zup satu email puji2 an darinya atas kepantasan aku menyelesaikan masalah tu telah dilayangkan kepada boss2 besar di tanah amerika sana.....
Alhamdulillah, segala tugas aku dipermudahkan. Segala keje aku berjalan lancar...Segala dugaan, cabaran itu sebenarnya menjadikan kita lebih tabah, lebih berhati2 dan lebih berdaya usaha..aku takkan biarkan parasit2 tu semua mengganggu gugat tugas aku di sini. Niat ku ikhlas berkerja untuk mencari rezeki for anak2 , utk keluarga.. Insya Allah.
Selamat bercuti panjang, selamat berehat....semoga mendapat tenaga dan semangat baru minggu dpan...Ingat...lepas ni takde lagi weekend panjang kecuali ujung bulan Mei nanti........Adios....

February 19, 2010

Things are on track again!!

After long break and rilek of Chinese New Year, I felt better. I felt relieved. I had a very good break during the holidays. Had a chance to met my 2nd brother families after 2 years been a part. Mak's sickness brought unexpected things. Where abang ngah and families taken a chance to balik kg due to mak's conditions. Being a good daugther (which i m still trying to), I had mak to go for medical check up in local gov clinic nearby kampung. Its quite smooth for me to go through all the waiting but not to mak. She's not strong enough or rather not patient enough of waiting. Almost all the time she will complaining of the lateness but I managed to console her to be more patient. An hour time were taken to have bloodpressuring. She's given a slip where she need to check the BP every two days. From that, Dr will then advise if she need further medication or checking.
Both my self and akak taken the responsibility on ensuring that mak is controlling her food intake. And most important things, I have tell her off that the painkiller medication she took w/o prescibing dr approval need to be stop. I have provided her with the more safer pain killer for her knee. The pill will lasting for a month whereby, I will resupply once I m back to kg again next month.
Being an old grumpy lady, it takes all courages from my self and akak to be more patient with her. Often, she will mumbling and pot pet pet2 over small and petty things. 5 days been at kg, I could see her different. Less mumbling, less gossiping. This is a good sign. She did told me that she had a very good slept ever for so long. I guess, the medication she took earlier has influenced many problem in her sleeping habit. Less sleep, less rest and high blood pressure and of course contribute more stress. I can imagine how the steroid table she took has effecting her left brain (as per info i read in internet).
Unexpected gathering with abg ngah and family has made mak happy as well. We took her out for jalan2 in our new avanza. We took her to have her favourite mee goreng mamak in town. We let her having her favourite ABC, buying things that she want most. The bamboo carpet. Most of the day, we are going out either for makan, shopping or jalan2. Believed me, I spent so much money shopping for my self, for SP for kids and for all my nephews. Last but not least of course spending RM and time to have a good facial and SPA!..hu hu hu..what a good massage ..
My kids were also happy to met thier cousins. After so long, not even hari raya. Abg ngah did not balik kg during the raya time for 2 years. My nephews has grown big enough..too big until i could not recognised them at begginning. I still could remember those days, when we have abg ngah first son and first grandchildren for bapak and mak named Fizi..ghee he was so small exactly like amal now..but.. Fizi is a man now. His size even bigger than abang ngah. Welcome to our new family member..Azra. This cute little lady was actually a daughter of abg ngah's sis in law. They have divorced and asked abg ngah and kak ngah to take care of her. Very cute and feminine little lady, she was so excited to have many brothers and sisters who loves her. Who could play with her. Who could gave her full attention. More than her father did!. Abg ngah had treated her so well. She love him very much and even recognised abg ngah and kak ngah as her own abah...her own ummi. Pity face seen at her. She is blessed to have abg ngah and wife as a parents even its not real, they still blood related. Divorce was something nija (kak ngah younger sis) would not expected. After having 11 years of marriage, she had to give her self up. She had to stand alone now. She's now a single mother. Taking care of another 2 sons and had to give Azra away with sad heart. Thanks to technology, where she still could speak to Azra every day, where she could saw her on MMS anytime she wants.......
I can work peacefully and live happily now. Mak condition are good. Nothing for me to worry. Will need to sort many things with amanah raya due to arwah pak saving acc, but i believed things will be going on smooth. Hopefully. Had a chance to go to bapak grave also during the holidays. Had a chance to recite yassin with akak, kids and abang ngah...cant imagine how we missed bapak very much!..may we met in heaven. Insya Allah...
Will continue monitor mak condition via akak. Hope mak will have long live after all..well at least until we bring her to see abg ngah's new house at end May. Thats our promise even we have not telling her this, both my self and akak hope that we will managed to fill mak dream at least...

February 3, 2010

Jiwaku kacau.....

No doubt aku baru je balik dari bercuti2 sakan kat PD. Sampai terbakar kulit muka ku nih dek kerana berendam di lautan dan berkubang di kolam waktu tghari buta..tapi jiwa aku sebenarnya kacau...sgt sgt kacau..Forget about grievences masa kat PD tu lah kan. Kalu ikut hati ku ni mmg tak tercapai dek akal ku nak melupakan nya begitu saja..tapi kekacauan jiwa aku ni melebihi dari segala mala benda yg aku pikir..
Masa aku kat PD tu, akak ku sms, bgtau mak tak sihat. Dah seminggu demam. Kaki pun bengkak. Dah diajaknya org tua tu ke klinik, tapi knowing kedegilan mak tu, bberapa hari gak dia sanggup tahan...ataupun mgkin tunggu aku balik kot??...tapi aku dah maklumkan lebih awal. Yg cuti raya cina nanti baru aku balik. Cuti lama sket..di samping tu nak bawak mak merasa naek keta baru kitorang tuh..
Believed me lepas SMS akak tu, bberapa malam aku bermimpi pasal mak. Takde le mimpi buruk pun but more likely on her masalah kesihatan tuh..sampai bila aku terjaga basah pipi aku dek kerana air mata..yg aku rasa masa mimpi tuh...dah bebrapa hari gak aku bermasalah nak tidor lena, serba tak kena.
Mengikut akak, akhirnya mak nak gak gi klinik, tu pun sbb dia dah tak tertahan sakit kakinya yg mbengkak tuh..mula2 mmg aku dah suspect gout, rupanya worst than that. Akak kata mak dah didiognisis as high blood presure (tekanan darah dia sgt tinggi, kalau dibiarkan 2-3 hari lagi bole menyebabkan stroke), dan lagi satu penyakit - Kencing manis. Satu lagi tabiat mak ialah, suka sgt minum air gas. Mengalahkan bebudak kalau dia minum. Mmg aku dah selalu sgt ingatkan dia pasal gula dalam air gas tu..dia tak percaya. Sbb masa tu dia taktau dia ada kencing manis..hai ...
Aku paham perasaan akak tuh, ye lah mak tu stubborn giler. Mmg selama ni dia tak pernah mengaku ada darah tinggi, tak pernah admit yg dia tu dah berumur hampir 70 taun, lalu berbagai2 penyakit senang jer nak dtg. Knowing mak, aku tau dia tu cakap gah sket, bangga yg selama ni tak pernah ada sakit serius. Aku noticed that dia selalu komplen pening2 kalau aku balik tu, tp dia tak pulak kata nak ajak ke klinik ke hape..sbb aku pun taktau yg dia tu ada darah tinggi. Rupanya selama ni dok komplen2 pening2..itulah sbbnya.
Lepas akak bwk pi dr, dr bagi ubat darah tinggi, ubat gout dan kencing manis. For all closed friend mesti korang tau how my mak was kan?. Aku pun tak nak cerita lebih2 yg buruk pasal mak. Mcmna pun dia tetap mak aku..mak yg melahirkan aku. Seburuk2 mana sifat dan perangai dia tu aku dan akak telan jer lah. Alhamdulillah, akak pun skg makin tenang dah. Wlaupun selama dia dok dgn mak, mcm2 mak cerita buruk2 perihal dia kat jiran2..aku syukur akak tak pernah amik ati..knowing mak is like that...talk too much. Org2 kg pun well noticed pasal tu. Sbb tu bila nak dok cerita2 yg kurang enak pasal kitorng, dorang buat2 tak paham jer...
Aku dan akak paling peduli dan amik berat pasal mak. Nak harap yg lain..adik bongsu ku tu amik berat juga tp mgkin dia x mo tunjuk. Dia cool jer. Pasal duit pun mak tak pernah ada problem. Adik selalu bagi dia duit. Abg ngah pulak jauh nun kat Rompin tu, so mmg susah lah sket dia nak balik kg selalu. Kalau nak harap abg long??, hmmm hampeh. Kalau pasal duit cepatlah dia laki bini dtang, klau pasal lain jgn harap. Sampaikan kdg2 aku dgn akak uruskan kenduri arwah bapak, batang hidung dia pun tak nampak. Bini pun sama..dtg mcm org jauh..tak pikir yg mak masih mak mertua sah dia. Kakak yg sorang lagi tu mmg hampess jugak. Since dia tak keja, i would say dia takut dgn laki dia..apa2 jer laki dia ckp ikut. Kalau 10x balik kg laki dia, baru sekali ler dia balik jenguk mak. Dia ada komplen dgn akak pasal mak,. pot pet pet kalau dia balik sbb tu dia malas. Aku tak kisah tu semua, lantak dorang. As anak aku nak tunaikan tggungjwab aku selagi mak masih idup. Sejak bapak pergi, mak pun mcm betul2 lonely. Mgkin sbb tu dia byk berjalan kerumah jiran2 mengisi masa lapang dia..
Aku tak mau besok2 anak2 aku layan aku begitu, jadi aku sboleh2 jadi anak yg menunaikan tggungjawab walaupun aku ada suami. Aku taktau dah nak meluahkan jiwa ku yg kacau ni. Selagi aku tak balik jumpe mak selagi itu jiwa aku ni tak tenteram.
Pg ni aku contact akak, Alhamdulillah katanya mak dah mula bangung lepas seminggu demam. Selera makan kurang sekt, tapi bengkak kaki dia dah takde. Mgkin kesan ubat tu, dia asyik tido tido tido...aku dgn akak selalu contact each other. Untuk berkongsi cerita. Acap kali tu lah, aku akan sama memotivasikan akak supaya sabar dgn karenah mak. Pekakkan jer telinga apa je yg dia cerita kat jiran2...aku sendiri pun mesti ada benda yg dia tak puas hati. Tapi aku tak pernah amik peduli sgt..aku anggap benda tu bagai angin yg lalu jer..kakak mak pun dtg dari Penang dok beberapa hari dah kat umah, siang malam akak kata dorang bersembang tak abis2 bercerita. Dah lama tak jumpa gaknya. Mak pun nampak ada selera dah nak makan...once aku balik kg nanti, aku nak belikan mak beras untk org kencing manis, nak torture dia jgn dok minum air gas lagi, nak bwk dia pi set appointment for weekly check up kat klinik kerajaan kat sana...dan semestinya aku nak bwk dia pi makan sizzling steak yg dia suka tuh..cumanya kena lah makan ayam instead of daging......
Akak mmg tak berapa rapat dan bercakap dgn mak, wlaupun dok serumah. I m glad akak dgn suami dan anak dia dok dgn mak. Ada org nak tgk2 kan kalau apa2..ada org amik tau kalau2 mak tak terbangun pagi. Dan aku dgn akak dah janji, walau apa pun terjadi kami akan sama2 jada mak, tak kira apa cara pun..dia tetap MAK KITA..Yen, anak akak jadi perantara. Mak mmg sayang sgt dgn Yen, Sbb dia yg bela yen dari mula lahir sampai skg yen dah darjah 4. Yen dgr ckap mak, yg penting, Yen tau camne nak jaga hati mak...
Aku tak sabar nak tunggu raya cina, aku nak balik, nak jumpa mak. Aku rindu nak peluk mak. Aku sedih masa menulis ni sampai air mata aku mengalir...dah lama benar rasanya aku tak jumpa mak...Aku nak bwk mak naek kereta baru kami, jalan2 ke pekan sambil makan2..Dan aku harap Allah panjangkan umur mak, supaya sempat aku bwk dia melihat rumah baru abg ngah....
Ya Allah, aku tak pernah jemu berdoa untuk Mak, supaya mak sentiasa sihat dipanjangkan umur supaya mak berubah meninggalkan segala tabiat2 kurang elok nya itu....
Ya Allah, lindungilah mak, rahmati lah mak....Seburuk2 mana pun aku tetap sayangkan dia seperti mana aku sayangkan arwah bapak...........